The Rise of Keith Olbermann

As you may or may not have noticed, I am a bit of a Keith Olbermann fan. I find that in a day dominated by vacillating, vacuous gasbags who have turned observational comedy into phony outrage, and pet peeves into empty crusades, that a journalist like Keith Olbermann who levels his commanding eloquence and keen observations at the endless corruption of our so-called leaders when it matters most, is a blessing. And when he sits down to speak with another of the last real journalists, Bill Moyers, then I ask that you please take twenty minutes to watch. Sadly, I cannot simply embed the video here but I am more than happy to send what little traffic I have over to Moyers’ site. Click here for a great interview. And you can click here to pre-order Olbermann’s upcoming book, Truth and Consequences, which is a collection of Olbermann’s searing special comments.

Still On Neko’s Case

No, it’s not another Neko Case solo track, but it is from her band The New Pornographers and it’s the title track off their latest album, Challengers. The entire album is fantastic but this is one of my favorite tracks (along with “Unguided”, “Go Places”, and “Solitude”).

Give it a listen and I hope you like it. On Monday (or if I feel like it, maybe this weekend), I’ll have something that’s not sung by a red-headed siren. And as will always be the case (until WordPress gets their shit together), make sure you’re ready to adjust your volume as necessary.

Putting the CHRIST back in Christmas

I don’t care what Bill O’Reilly says (ever) and I’m not sure how his delusional mind could think there’s a “War on Christmas” unless he was just doing it as a yearly ratings ploy. But he’s a serious journalist and would never sink to such a level. But if there is such a war, I would say that Christmas is winning against “secular progressives” (damn them with their modern, forward thinking ways!).

First there was the resolution introduced in the House of Representatives by Steve King (R-Iowa) that Christians and Christmas are important. Aside from that queasy feeling I’m getting in my stomach about the whole state/church deal, it seems like such a waste of time. I’m Jewish and even I like Christmas. I think it has nothing to do with Christianity (Jesus probably wasn’t born in December and, oh yeah, Christianity stole the holiday from pagans; it was originally called the Saturnalia and was when the slaves got to switch places with the master for a day (thanks Prof. Ben Lee!)), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun holiday.

Of course, this didn’t stop King from railing against the nine Democrats who decided to use common sense and vote against it.

“I recognized that we’re a Christian nation founded on Christian principles, and we’re coming up to Christmastime…. It’s time we stood up and said so, and said to the rest of America, Be who you are and be confident. And let’s worship Christ and let’s celebrate Christmas for the right reasons.”

Of course we’re a Christian nation! Just look at where the Constitution talks about Jesus! No, not there? Well I’m sure it’s in the Bill of–nope, not there either. It must at least be in the Declaration of–no mention? I mean, there’s mention of a creator and that was Jesus. Close enough.

But clearly this is just the work of one lone, nutbag Representative from Iowa, a state that no one cares about unless they’re running for President.

Oh wait. Here’s George and Laura Bush’s Christmas card:

A) What the hell does that quote have to do with Christmas; and B) ARE. YOU. SHITTING. ME.

All I know is that if I were Christian, I would just send this out every year:

How to Ruin a National Monument

If I had to choose between who would be added to Mount Rushmore, between Ronald McDonald and Ronald Reagan, I would choose the clown.

Sorry, that wasn’t specific enough. I would not choose Ronald Reagan to be memorialized on anything. Some want him on the ten dollar bill rather than Alexander Hamilton, the guy who was a crucial figure in creating our constitution and our economy when our country was at its most fragile. And now this chucklehead wants to put Reagan on Mount Rushmore alongside Washington, Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Lincoln. Alright, let’s list their accomplishments and see if Teflon Ronnie is worthy of the honor.

George Washington: Made sure that America existed. Look at how many countries fail and devolve into constant warfare as one leader after another gets drunk on his own power. If men like Jefferson, Adams, Hamilton, Jay, and others were the architects of our country, then Washington was the man who made us worthy of the structure.

Thomas Jefferson: Helped us get about a third of our country for a very reasonable price. The man behind the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence, two slightly important documents in American history.

Theodore Roosevelt: Despite the dark times of the 20th century, Roosevelt offered us hope for what it could be at its best. He promoted the causes of regulating businesses, the Panama Canal, helped negotiate the end of the Russo-Japanese war, and as the first President to take up the cause of conservationism, how could you not carve him into the side of a mountain?

Abraham Lincoln: Abolished slavery, saved the union.

Ronald Reagan: Allowed proliferation of nuclear weapons and AIDS; liked jelly beans.

You can argue that Reagan deserves to be up there for “ending the Cold War” but he ended it in the worst way possible. It was a short-term victory with very serious long-term repercussions.

But hey, he was a likable guy that made us feel good about being Americans. Isn’t that enough?

If it is, I reiterate my vote for Ronald McDonald.

Looking Into a Future of Pissed Off

I can look at all the critics and critic-society lists that are popping up on a daily basis, but the true barometer is when people who actually give physical awards make their opinions known. And wielding an unfair amount of influence is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, or as their better known to the public: the folks that hand out Golden Globes. These nominations were announced today and they tell a story of future woe, misery, and a group of people that has no fucking idea what’s going to be picked for Oscar nominations.

MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
“American Gangster”

“Atonement”
“Eastern Promises”
“The Great Debaters”
“Michael Clayton”
“No Country For Old Men”
“There Will Be Blood”

 

The only one of these I haven’t seen is The Great Debaters. As for the others, no major surprises. Michael Clayton and Eastern Promises are good but they’re not the greatest of the year. Where’s Into the Wild? Where’s Gone Baby Gone? Where’s The Assassination of Jesse James? It’s also clear that Atonement is going to be my bête noire of this awards season. There’s always one film that I thought was passable-at-best and as it garners more praise, my disdain for it only grows. It may not be fair to the film, but it’s not fair to me that so many people can’t recognize what’s wrong with it. The only good about this category is that No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood are essentially locking in their Academy Award Best Picture nominations.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
Cate Blanchett - “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
Julie Christie - “Away From Her”
Jodie Foster - “The Brave One”
Angelina Jolie - “A Mighty Heart”
Keira Knightley - “Atonement”

Holy shit; The Brave One was nominated for an award. That’s fucking hilarious. Less hilarious is the ignoring of Wei Tang (Lust, Caution), and Carice van Houten (Black Book).

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
George Clooney - “Michael Clayton”
Daniel Day-Lewis - “There Will Be Blood”
James McAvoy - “Atonement”
Viggo Mortensen - “Eastern Promises”
Denzel Washington - “American Gangster”

Less argument here. I think James McAvoy is a great actor in search of a worthy role. He was very good in The Last King of Scotland but he was obviously overshadowed by Forest Whitaker’s behemoth of a performance. Atonement doesn’t do him any favors because, like Knightley in that film, it’s a shallow character. They function as pieces of the main character’s (Briony) story and lack the necessary depth to lead to the great performances Knightley and McAvoy are capable of. And ignoring Emile Hirsch is just mean. Clearly, the HFPA have no love for Into the Wild, so fuck them.

MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
“Across The Universe”
“Charlie Wilson’s War”
“Hairspray”
“Juno”
“Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”

This is where I threw up in my own mouth. Across the Universe is one of the worst films of the year. Couldn’t put Enchanted in this category? What, too good? I know you guys are bought and paid for by the studios, but seriously, I hate you so much right now.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Amy Adams - “Enchanted”
Nikki Blonsky - “Hairspray”
Helena Bonham Carter - “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
Marion Cotillard - “La Vie en rose”
Ellen Page - “Juno”

Can’t really argue here. Dammit.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Johnny Depp - “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
Ryan Gosling - “Lars And The Real Girl”
Tom Hanks - “Charlie Wilson’s War”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - “The Savages”
John C. Reilly - Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Again, not a lot of argument. It’d be nice to see Michael Cera get some love, but he’s young and he’ll get it in time. The kid’s (being only two years younger than me) got a very successful career in front of him.

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
“Bee Movie” - DreamWorks Animation; DreamWorks Animation
“Ratatouille” - Pixar; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures Distribution
“The Simpsons Movie” - Gracie Films; Twentieth Century Fox

Hey, fuck you, Persepolis! You’re foreign! At least no Shrek the Third, thank Odin.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
“4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days” (Romania)
“The Diving Bell And The Butterfly” (France And USA)
“The Kite Runner” (USA)
“Lust, Caution” (Taiwan)
“Persepolis” (France)

So we can nominate Persepolis as a foreign film but not as an animated film. Oooookay. The rest of these choices are acceptable, but I’ll be rooting for Diving Bell.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Cate Blanchett - “I’m Not There”
Julia Roberts - “Charlie Wilson’s War”
Saoirse Ronan - “Atonement”
Amy Ryan - “Gone Baby Gone”
Tilda Swinton - “Michael Clayton”

Again, not a lot of argument. But I would definitely switch out Roberts and Ronan with Marcia Gay Harden (The Mist) and Leslie Mann (Knocked Up).

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Casey Affleck - “The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford”
Javier Bardem - “No Country For Old Men”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - “Charlie Wilson’s War”
John Travolta - “Hairspray”
Tom Wilkinson - “Michael Clayton”

It looks like Affleck is gonna get the recognition he deserves for Jesse James and that just makes my heart soar. It also looks like Bardem is locked down for the supporting category even though I would classify him as a leading role (and I will when I release my Films of 2007 list on December 31st). Travolta is a joke but it’s a sign that New Line is pushing Hairspray hard as I knew they would. Switch him out with Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma).

DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Tim Burton - “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen - “No Country For Old Men”
Julian Schnabel - “The Diving Bell And The Butterfly”
Ridley Scott - “American Gangster”
Joe Wright - “Atonement”

It’s all correct except for Wright. Granted, it’s not his fault he has a shitty script to work from, but there are so many better choices. Sean Penn (Into the Wild), Andrew Dominik (The Assassination of Jesse James), David Fincher (Zodiac), or Frank Darabont (The Mist).

SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE
Diablo Cody - “Juno”
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen - “No Country For Old Men”
Christopher Hampton - “Atonement”
Ronald Harwood - “The Diving Bell And The Butterfly”
Aaron Sorkin - “Charlie Wilson’s War”

Christopher Hampton–no, no, no, no, no, fucking no. You done fucked up and your the reason that Atonement fails. Go away. How about Todd Haynes for I’m Not There? You know, it’s that film you’ve almost completely ignored. Or how about Nancy Oliver for Lars and the Real Girl? I just think good scripts deserve accolades. Bizarre, I know.

ORIGINAL SCORE - MOTION PICTURE
Michael Brook, Kaki King, Eddie Vedder - “Into The Wild”
Clint Eastwood - “Grace Is Gone”
Alberto Iglesias - “The Kite Runner”
Dario Marianelli - “Atonement”
Howard Shore - “Eastern Promises”

You know, I haven’t seen Grace is Gone, but I bet it’s a minimalist score with high piano notes. But hey, it’s Clint Eastwood and if we don’t blow him at least once, he may never come to awards show again! The ignoring of Nick Cave & Warren Ellis for The Assassination of Jesse James and Jonny Greenwood for There Will Be Blood is worthy of seppuku.

ORIGINAL SONG - MOTION PICTURE
“Despedida” from “Love In The Time Of Cholera” - Music By: Shakira, Antonio Pinto, Lyrics By: Shakira
“Grace Is Gone” from “Grace Is Gone” - Music By: Clint Eastwood, Lyrics By: Carole Bayer Sager
“Guaranteed” from “Into The Wild” - Music & Lyrics By: Eddie Vedder
“That’s How You Know” from “Enchanted”- Music & Lyrics By: Alan Menken
“Walk Hard” from “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story” - Music & Lyrics by: Marshall Crenshaw, John C. Reilly, Judd Apatow, Kasdan

I don’t remember “Guaranteed”, but I know that when I decided which songs to keep in my iTunes library from the soundtrack, it didn’t make the cut. “Hard Sun” is the best song from that album. But at this point, I’m not going to split hairs over nominations for Into the Wild.

You have to love movies to do this. Not get paid in gift baskets and swag to help films along to Oscar glory, but to write about the selections of ethically bankrupt critics. I’m clearly the big winner here.

Matt to Democrats: We’re Done Here.

I’m not sure how the conservative base became so good at being so evil. Part of it may have to do with having a very exclusive party with a few key goals: fuck the poor, fuck other countries, fuck the gays (on policy and in private). Whatever it is, you’ll rarely see Republicans voting against the will of their base. Liberals, on the other hand, are an inclusive party so you have every group shouting for their voice to be heard. But it seems like no matter what subsection of the party you belong to, you want out of Iraq. Shit, even moderate Republicans want out of Iraq. The only ones who want to stay in Iraq are the ones who would never in a million years go and fight in Iraq.

But what you want to do and what you will do are two different worlds for congressional Democrats as they will likely fork over $70 billion for Uncle George’s Iraq Meat Grinder. Apparently there is no victory too small, no public outcry too deafening, no body count too tragic, no goal too vague, no opposition so minor, that the Democrats won’t ignore it completely.

So now I am a man without a party. Sure, there are some Dems I’ll support but they actually care about the liberal base and listen to their constituents rather than consistently lose at beltway politics. Cynics will argue that this proves their point about there really only being one party, but I still think there are two. One is evil and the other is incompetent. But to paraphrase the great Walter Sobchak, “Say what you will about the tenants of unremitting evil, Dude. At least it’s an ethos,”

And if after having your heart ripped out by this news wasn’t bad enough, the Democratic Party would also like to replace your organ with feces, as we get this wonderous quote:

“What is for sure is he will not get all $200 billion,” said one senior Democratic lawmaker. “Whatever number it is, it is much less than what the president asked for. For the first time in this war, he has received less than his request.”

Well yippity-fucking-yay. This is a congress that couldn’t get $10 million to help poor sick kids but making sure our warlord gets $70 billion instead of $200 billion is a “victory”. Why not just give him $199,999,999.99? It’s less than he asked for; victory! Do these sad sacks of shit not realize that it isn’t the dollar amount that matters (unless that amount is zero), but rather that it functions as implicit support for this endless war? Or do they just not care because they’re afraid of tired old saws like “Cut and run,” “Not supporting the troops,” “Weak on terror,” or any other label that gets applied to them because they lack the brain and spine to define themselves?

In case you were wondering, the numbers at the top are the number of American soldiers killed in Iraq and wounded in Iraq. It’s impossible to know the amount of killed and wounded Iraqi civilians. And the people who should have said “Enough is enough,” apparently don’t think we’ve quite had our fill. But I know I’m fed up and I’m done with these cowards.

The Music Man

I’m trying to find my confidence with music. For the longest time, I had no faith in my ability to discern good music from bad music. My response to what music I liked was simply, “Whatever sounds good,” And while I still can’t effectively argue about why I like certain songs or artists as well as I can argue about movies, I feel like I can now at least begin to talk and share my opinions. I’m not going to get self-righteous, but just as others have tried opening my ears to new music, so too do I hope that what I like will be songs that you like too. Group hug. So today I’d like to showcase Neko Case, who not only allows me to have fun with her awesome name, but is a woman with a spectacular voice and a unique sound. She makes me think of Bob Dylan if he was a hot chick. She’s got a great blend of rock, country, and folk to her music and while her albums were very hit-and-miss with me, it’s rare that I’ll find an album we’re I’ll love all her tracks.

Here’s my favorite of her songs, from her album Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. Enjoy (stupid WordPress doesn’t allow you to adjust the volume in the player so make sure you’re not about to fuck the eardrums of you and those in your vicinity).

Olbermann Special Comment - “You sir, have no business being President.”

T-Shirt Mockery

I was reading Nicky’s Shrinking Pants Bulge by CHUD’s always-hilarious Nick Nunziata today and because it led me to two must-buy purchases, I thought I would try to re-pay the favor by trying to suggest some cool things to him. Unfortunately, it led me to this article which showcases some of the worst hipster-retro-wear has to offer.

Your Shirt Is Not a Treatise

I like reading a funny shirt as much as the next guy who also likes to read funny shirts, but I’m not going to stare at your chest for five minutes trying to read off every joke that references my knowledge of Zelda or Mario. I will only stare at your chest for five minutes if you have a terrific rack, and in that case, I’m not going to be reading your shirt, although you will have provided me with the perfect excuse to stare and get away with it. But no shirt should have this much writing.

Sad Is Not The New Funny

You did not score with the princess. You’ve never scored with anyone or even anything. Your advances are rejected by inanimate objects. And Mario never scores with the Princess. He risks his life to save her, defeats the dinosaur-turtle hybrid who kidnapped her, and she bakes him a cake. Now that may be symbolic, but it may just be cake. Delicious, delicious cake. In any event, wearing this shirt suggests that while you may “score with the princess”, you should also buy a shirt that says “I will die alone,”

Multiple Choice Question

What is the lamest thing about this T-shirt?

a. It promotes Gizmo, the cutest but least interesting of all the Gremlins
b. It uses out-of-date urban slang
c. It’s “vintage”
d. All of the above

I could go on and on and on, but thankfully, I don’t have to.

Vote Tancredo or Get Murdered By Immigrants

Thank God for Tom Tancredo. I was getting depressed at the thought of Hillary Clinton winning the Democratic nomination and the support for Ron Paul who is only successful because the Republican field is so awful and in a world of unprincipled schmucks who want to be Bush III, his ridiculous principles are appealing (To note: I don’t think Ron Paul is a bad guy; I just think he would make a bad president although he couldn’t be any worse than our current one; I can’t say that about Rudy Guiliani). But along comes Tom Tancredo and this awe-inspiring political ad:

I couldn’t make this up. Well, I could, but it would be an exaggerated parody. But Tancredo has no time for subtlety and innuendo. The only thing I know about Tancredo is that he hates fucking immigrants. He hates immigrants more than AIDS, cancer, and Taco Bell combined.

It’s a strategy that hasn’t really caught on as he’s still serving as window dressing to the first and second-tier candidates. So the question is how to co-opt his opponents’ strategy of trying to win by scaring the American public shitless while still showing that he hates immigrants? This ad shows how it’s done. For you see, immigrants just aren’t filthy Mexicans stealing our jobs. They’re also crazy Jihadists with hooded sweatshirts and backpacks. If you see a guy in a hoodie and he sits on a bench and sets his bag down beside him RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

…before it’s too late. I’ve never been threatened by a political ad point blank. Thank you, Tom Tancredo. You have proven yourself batshit insane enough to run a country. Not our country. That requires a deft hand of insanity. But I’m sure there are plenty of non-western countries in turmoil that would be happy to have you. And hey, if you go there, you won’t have to worry about Mexicans.